With anxiety levels, low self-esteem and depression reaching an all-time high, how can we help foster more self-care, self-reflection, and growth in children and teens?
CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared on Happiful
According to the latest figures released by Place2Be 95% of staff at schools are seeing an increase in anxiety levels among students; on average, 86% have noted an increase in low-self-esteem, 76% in depression, and 68% in anger. For secondary school staff, 72% have noticed an increase in self-harm, 61% in suicidal thoughts, and 56% in eating difficulties.
With fewer than a quarter (23%) feeling they could regularly access specialist support for students who need it, now more than ever we need to find ways to support children and teen’s mental health and wellbeing needs, as many struggle to adjust to the changes brought abought since the first lockdown began.
Principal educational psychologist at Place2Be, Julia Clements, commented on the importance of reflection to help support continued growth. “Despite a difficult couple of years, many people have continued to grow and develop – for example, adjusting to new ways of working, learning and socialising. In order to keep growing, it’s good to sometimes press pause and reflect on the personal qualities that have helped us to cope, and even thrive.
“As well as our own strengths and qualities, it can also be useful to reflect on how others have helped us to grow and how we have helped others, too. This will help us to continue on our own personal growth journey, and sustain us when things get tough.”
To help you get started, we share some simple ways you can support your child in their journey towards personal and emotional growth.
Celebrate and recognise growth
Recognising physical changes is easy – how can we not notice how much our kids have grown and changed as the years go by – but emotional growth can often be overlooked. As Place2Be explains, it’s important to recognise and praise emotional growth. “This could be letting them know how proud you are when they have learnt to walk away rather than fight with a sibling, or how they have learnt to ask others to play when they used to be too shy to do so.”
Through recognising, and acknowledging, the positive changes and behaviours our children are showing, we help encourage them and support their emotional growth.
Model the life skills you want your child to develop
Experienced systemic facilitator and life coach, Franziska Cecchetti-Pretsch, believes we can support and empower children by modelling life skills they could benefit from developing. “The overall aim is always to strengthen children and young people in their core so that they can access inner resources throughout all their lives and are empowered to grow and evolve. It’s about holding space for them, from an early age, to find their own solutions and to be creative and curious about their own ways of living. This needs adults around them who show an interest in their individual personalities and world views.
“We adults are role models in how our children learn to deal with stress and any issues in life, so the more we work on our own resilience and coping strategies, the healthier also for our children and the whole family. Encourage them to give their own ideas without fear of being judged or not taken seriously.”
Practice positive listening
A staggering 96% of us think we’re good listeners yet, according to research, we only retain about half of what others say. The main reason behind this? We tend to think about what we are going to say next, or start making assumptions, when we should still be listening.
Coach Jo Thompson has advice on how we can switch from offering unsolicited advice to listening to our teens to really help support them as they thrive, grow, and learn to be happy. “We grown-ups are always watching the young people around us for signs of discontent – for example, a child who is afraid to go to bed at night, or won’t go to school, or a teenager who can’t get down to work and is always on the sofa, or who is doing so much work that they never rest on the sofa!
“This discontent can start to cause friction within homes, as parents try to second guess the problem and advise young people on how to address things – and the children push back. This is not because they don’t want to change; they just may not be able to do it in the way that works for the adult.
“Focus on the great job you have done so far in parenting or teaching them, and then help them continue to grow (and grow yourself!) by changing how you approach the matter. Give them space rather than your opinion.”
Praise their willingness to try (not just their successes)
Successes, big and small, are easy things to recognise; who wouldn’t want to congratulate their child for doing particularly well on a test in a subject they particularly struggle with, or to celebrate a good report card, or making it onto a sports team – but these aren’t the only times we should be recognising and celebrating children’s efforts.
Whether it’s trying a new food, activity or experience, or pushing themselves to make a new friend, acknowledge and praise their willingness to try something new rather than to stick with what they are good at, or already know. This can help foster a sense of confidence and help them to continue to develop and grow.
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