Parenting whilst experiencing mental health issues

What difficulties could you face as a parent with a mental health problem?

CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared on Mind

How might my mental health problem affect me?

Many people worry that it will be difficult to cope with parenting if they have a mental health problem; it’s natural to be concerned about the impact this will have on you and your children. However, with the right support and resources, it’s perfectly possible to be a good parent while managing a mental health problem – and to care for, and support, your children in a positive way.

All parents face challenges, but if you are coping with a mental health problem, you may face additional concerns or difficulties. For example:

• Coping with the everyday challenges of parenting.
• The impact of your mental health on your children.
• Dealing with other people’s negative ideas about mental health problems.
• Asking your children for extra help around the home.
• Feeling safe to ask for help.
• Managing in a crisis.

• Coping with the everyday challenges of parenting: a mental health problem can make the day-to-day challenges of parenting feel harder. For example, anxiety may make you more easily worried, or depression may mean that you have low energy.

• The impact of your mental health on your children: you may worry about how your mental health affects your child; for example, whether they may experience stress or mental health problems themselves.

• Dealing with other people’s negative ideas about mental health problems: you or your child may have difficulties because of other people’s assumptions or judgements about mental health. For example, people may judge your parenting abilities because you have a mental health problem, or your child may be bullied or teased. For more information on dealing with assumptions people might have, see our page on stigma and misconceptions.
• Asking your children for extra help around the home: if your child has to take on responsibilities around the home to help you, such as preparing food or getting younger siblings ready for school, this may have an impact on their school work or the amount of free time they have to play or see their friends.

• Feeling safe to ask for help: you may find it hard to seek help because you are worried that people may see you as a less capable parent, and you may put pressure on yourself to cope for longer than you are able.

• Managing in a crisis: there may be times when you become unwell and can’t carry out your usual parenting responsibilities, or have to go into hospital. This can cause practical issues, and stress and worry for you and your family.

What can I do to help myself?

Parenting with a mental health problem can be difficult, and there is no one solution. However, there are lots of things that can make a positive difference. This section suggests several things you can try that might help.

Taking steps to look after your mental health

• Try to do some physical activity. Many people find exercise a challenge but activities like yoga, swimming or walking can be a big boost to your mood. If you don’t feel confident doing exercise, you could start off with smaller activities – such as gentle, chair-based, exercises in your own home. See our pages on physical activity for more information.
• Think about your diet. Eating regularly, and keeping your blood sugar stable, can make a difference to your mood and energy levels. See our pages on food and mood for more tips.
• Try spending time in green spaces, or bringing nature into your everyday life. Some people find this boosts their physical and mental wellbeing. See our pages on nature and mental health for more tips.
• Explore how different relaxation techniques can help you feel less stressed or worried. See our pages on relaxation for more tips.
• Try to make regular time for yourself with no external demands (‘me’ time) – even 10 minutes a day can help.
• Explore different treatment options so that you know what works for you. Remember that different things work for different people at different times.

Having a support network in place

• Try to identify one or two people who you can ask for emotional and practical support.
• Let people know as early as you can if you are finding it hard to cope and need support.
• Ask for help with practical tasks such as childcare, transport and cooking meals.
• Ask the school or nursery to keep an eye out for any behaviour changes in your children.
• Find out if your employer offers flexible working arrangements, such as flexible hours, to help you manage the demands of working while parenting. See our pages on workplace mental health for more tips.

Being organised

• Plan ahead for the busy morning times each evening by making lunches and packing bags.
• Try to stick to regular times for routine tasks like mealtimes and bedtimes.
• Have a clear and quiet homework space for your children.
• Make advance plans to reduce your responsibilities during unwell periods, and check out options for extra support during these times.
• Write down family routines so anyone supporting you can keep things consistent.

Talking about mental health

• Unfortunately, not everyone understands mental health problems; some people may have misconceptions about what certain diagnoses mean. They may also use language you find dismissive, offensive or hurtful. This can be very upsetting – especially if someone who feels this way is a family member, colleague or healthcare professional.
• It’s important to remember that you aren’t alone, and you don’t have to put up with people treating you badly. See our information on dealing with stigma for some options for you to think about.

Seeking help when you need it

• Local authorities have a duty to provide social care if your mental health makes it harder for you to do certain things, such as looking after your children. They also support children whose caring responsibilities are too much.
• Ask someone you trust to either find out about, or go with you to, a support service for the first time.
• Make a list of all the questions that you’d like to ask the support service.
• Reaching out for help can sometimes bring up very difficult fears about having children taken away. Remember that organisations will have supported lots of other parents before you, and their family support staff will be experienced in how best to help you manage your situation.