How to get rid of ‘second-hand stress’

Sometimes the stress and anxiety of others around us can start to make us feel really stressed ourselves – here’s some good advice on how to deal with this ‘second-hand stress’ and avoid feeling overwhelmed

CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared on Happiful

The terms ‘second-hand stress’ and ‘second-hand reality’ refer to when you feel stressed or anxious because someone else is showing signs of stress. In the workplace you can feel second-hand stress from colleague’s facial expressions, hearing their voice frequency and even from specific scents or touches. 

How to identify when someone is stressing you out

Signs of stress include emotional symptoms such as feelings of frustration, being quick to anger, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, teary, or avoiding others or social situations, as well as physical symptoms such as having trouble sleeping, feeling dizzy, excessive sweating, chest pains or palpitations, digestive problems and seeking comfort from food, drugs or alcohol. 

There are other signs that can indicate that being around someone else may be causing you second-hand stress – these can include:

• Stress-eating or drinking when the person is around;
• checking your ‘phone, or avoiding eye contact, while talking to others;
• fidgeting (e.g. tapping your feet, bouncing your leg, clicking a pen, drumming your fingers) or biting your nails can both be common ways of coping with stress, anxiety or general feelings of nervousness;
• avoiding specific people or situations;
• tension headaches, or feeling overly tired when, or shortly after, you have to see or deal with them.

How to get rid of second-hand stress

There are different skills, behaviours and environmental changes which can help us to recognise and cope with feelings of second-hand stress – such as:

• Learn to spot the signs and identify the cause: not all types of stress are bad. Big life events or changes can naturally come with feelings of stress or anxiety, and some forms of stress can help us in the short term, by helping us keep deadlines, avoid behaviours that could cause us to become injured, or stay focused and present in the moment during stressful situations.

• Recognise when your stress is not your own: picking up on the signs that others in your life may be stressed can be the first step towards understanding what type of stress you and/or they are experiencing, helping you to face that stress head-on.

• Be there to listen, offer advice, or help out: if you’ve got a colleague, friend or family member who’s struggling, check-in with them and ask what they need. They may not be ready to talk, or may not even know what they need, but opening up the conversation, and letting them know that you are there for them, can be a great help.

• Have patience: if they don’t seem to have the capacity to talk, or work things through right now, giving them space and returning to the conversation at a later date can help avoid adding additional stress for either of you right now. Pushing an issue before someone is ready to talk about it rarely helps, and can cause more anxiety and stress in the short term.

• Take a break: it’s OK to take a step back from the situation (or person) until you have the chance to look after yourself and put your emotional and physical needs first. You can’t help someone if you’re running on empty no matter how hard you try.

• Emulate the mindset you want to cultivate: we’ve all heard the advice that we should surround ourselves with positive people in order to cultivate a positive, growth mindset – just as negative emotions can be contagious, so too can positive ones.

• Focus on sharing and promoting the feelings you hope to see in others around you: practising mindful breathing techniques to reduce or manage stress can help you to feel that you are regaining control in the moment, if you are beginning to feel overwhelmed by others or your reactions to specific situations.

• Implement coping mechanisms: by modelling healthier coping mechanisms and behaviours you can challenge unhelpful workplace habits and help to show colleagues who may be overwhelmed that it’s OK to step back, take a breather and rest, before jumping back into things.