How to balance good times and goal setting

In achieving our objectives, it’s all to easy to lose sight of what brings us joy – Gin Lalli shares how to set your goals and have a good time in the process

CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared on Happiful

Sometimes, when working towards something we really want, we can lose sight of what actually matters. In psychotherapy, this is known as taking a rigid approach to your goals, and when taken too far it can have a knock-on effect on your mental health.

Gin Lalli, a solution-focused psychotherapist and author of How To Empty Your Stress Bucket, believes emulating others has a lot to do with it.

Striking the balance

So, now that you know taking time out for enjoyment is a positive thing in terms of progress, how can you strike a balance between good times and goal setting? Lalli says there are a few simple tweaks you can make.

Let go of comparison

The pressure to achieve is often rooted in comparison. We see others succeeding and feel less about ourselves if we aren’t able to do the same. In turn, this can lead us to put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to emulate their success.

“There’s no such thing as an overnight success,” Lalli points out. “There has undoubtedly been a lot of background work, and maybe even a team of people to help bring that person’s goal to life.” When looking at others, it may help to bear this in mind.

Remembering the popcorn analogy could prove useful too. According to the popular adage, popcorn is prepared in the same pot, in the same heat, and in the same oil, and yet the kernels do not all pop at the same time. Humans are the same; we all progress at different rates, so sit tight – your pop is coming!

Be realistic

We’re more likely to be rigid with our goals when we’ve set the bar far too high to begin with.

“You need to get objective and rational about what is achievable,” she advises. “For example, doing a triathlon in six weeks’ time when you’ve never run a 5K is pretty unachievable, and as much as you might want to do it, deep down you know it’s not realistic.”

If achieving a goal is coming at the expense of enjoying your life, it’s time to reassess. We’re often told to reach for the stars, but sometimes it’s OK to do what’s manageable, and reach for the low-hanging fruit instead.

Make time for fun

The next time a last-minute invitation, like brunch with your friends or a spontaneous trip, comes your way, remember the word ‘balance’. The goal is to have rewarding and fulfilling experiences in each area of your life, rather than tipping the scales in favour of one, like your career, for example.

A good question to whip out when you aren’t sure which area of your life to prioritise? How does this opportunity fit into my overall life plan?

Just like you create routines and put strategies in place to achieve your goals, it can be helpful to pencil fun in the diary, too, making it less likely to fall by the wayside.

Change your perspective

Perhaps Lalli’s most valuable piece of advice is to get some perspective. Sometimes our goals feel like the be-all and end-all, and we assume that we won’t be happy or satisfied until we achieve them. This isn’t the case. You can find ways to live in the moment, no matter where you’re at on your journey.

To keep that in mind, she advises reframing your failures and remembering just how far you’ve come. “Often, we forget how much work we have actually put into something just because we haven’t got that final little piece of the puzzle,” she points out. “Make sure you keep observing the progress you’ve made.”

Taking a flexible approach to your goals may mean that it takes a little longer to reach your destination. Balancing goal-settingwith good times means making plenty of pit stops to replenish and refuel along the way. The process may be slower, but you’re more likely to cross the finish line with your wellbeing intact.