How can you help someone else seek help?

Many people experiencing a mental health problem will speak to friends and family before they speak to a health professional, so the support you offer can be really valuable

CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared on Mind

What emotional support can you offer?

If someone lets you know that they are experiencing difficult thoughts and feelings, it’s common to feel like you don’t know what to do or say – but you don’t need any special training to show someone you care about them. Often, just being there for someone, and doing small things, can be really valuable. Here are some examples to consider.

Listen

Simply giving someone space to talk, and listening to how they’re feeling, can be really helpful in itself. If they’re finding it difficult, let them know that you’re there when they are ready.

Offer reassurance

Seeking help can feel lonely, and sometimes scary. You can reassure someone by letting them know that they are not alone, and that you will be there to help.

Stay calm

Even though it might be upsetting to hear that someone you care about is distressed, try to stay calm. This will help your friend or family member feel calmer too, and show them that they can talk to you openly without upsetting you.

Be patient

You might want to know more details about their thoughts and feelings, or want them to get help immediately, but it’s important to let them set the pace for seeking support themselves.

Try not to make assumptions

Your perspective might be useful to your friend or family member, but try not to assume that you already know what may have caused their feelings, or what will help.

Keep social contact

Part of the emotional support you offer could be to keep things as normal as possible. This could include involving your friend or family member in social events, or chatting about other parts of your lives.

What practical support can you offer?

There are lots of practical things you can do to support someone who is ready to seek help. When someone is seeking help they may feel worried about making the right choice, or feel that they have no control over their situation. Our page on making yourself heard will give you some ideas on what research you can do, and ways you can help someone think about what might work for them.

• Help to write down lists of questions that the person you’re supporting wants to ask their doctor or help to put points into an order that makes sense (for example, most important point first).
• Help to organise paperwork, for example making sure that your friend or family member has somewhere safe to keep their notes, prescriptions and records of appointments.
• Go to appointments with them, if they want you to – even just being there in the waiting room can help someone feel reassured.
• Ask them if there are any specific practical tasks you could help with and work on those. For example, this could include:
• offering them a lift somewhere;
• arranging childcare for them;
• taking over a chore or household task.
• Learn more about the problem they’re experiencing to help you think about other ways you could support them. Our website provides lots of information about different types of mental health problems, including pages on what friends and family can do to help in each case.

What can you do if someone doesn’t want your help?

If you feel that someone you care about is clearly struggling but can’t or won’t reach out for help, and won’t accept any help you offer, it’s understandable to feel frustrated, distressed and powerless – but it’s important to accept that they are an individual, and that there are always limits to what you can do to support another person. You can:

Be patient – you won’t always know the full story, and there may be reasons why they are finding it difficult to ask for help.

Offer emotional support and reassurance – let them know you care about them and that you’ll be there if they change their mind. Inform them how to seek help when they’re ready (for example, you could show them our pages on talking to your GP and what might happen at the appointment). Look after yourself, and make sure you don’t become unwell yourself.

You can’t:

Force someone to talk to you – it can take time for someone to feel able to talk openly, and putting pressure on them to talk might make them feel less comfortable telling you about their experiences.

Force someone to get help (if they’re over 18, and it’s not an emergency situation) – as adults, we are all ultimately responsible for making our own decisions. This includes when – or if – we choose to seek help when we feel unwell.

See a doctor for someone else – a doctor might give you general information about symptoms or diagnoses, but they won’t be able to share any specific advice or details about someone else without their agreement.