How to step out of a people-pleasing pattern

Finding a healthy balance between caring about people’s opinions and walking your own path can be tricky. Here’s some advice on how to best reconnect with your goals and dreams 

CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared on Happiful

Therapist Kara Nassour states that, “It’s in our genetic makeup to need approval from others” – but sometimes this need for approval can expand beyond its healthy and natural amount. For some people, the overpowering need to be liked by others causes them to stray from the path leading towards their dreams. If you are in a similar situation you can focus and redirect this energy towards yourself in order to get distance from a people-pleasing pattern. Here are some steps you can take to get back into alignment with your own pathway and goals. 

• What are your ambitions?

Take a few minutes to indulge in some creative writing. Write a paragraph or so about who you’d like to be and try to be as open-minded as possible when writing about this imagined persona. Aim not to think about any type of restrictions or limitations that apply to your present life. 

• Add in a layer of realism.

Take some more time to read over what you’ve written and highlight some of the more realistic things there. Next, identify what exactly is stopping you from achieving this goal or setting out on a path towards it. 

• Evaluate the cons. 

The next step is to envision that you’ve started on that path – what are the repercussions and are you afraid of them?  It’s worth spending time to evaluate these fears by writing them down to clear your mind, or by talking it through with a therapist. 

• Are the people you are trying to please worth it? 

However, Kara warns that completely dissociating from caring about other people’s perceptions is not healthy either. “Think about whose opinions are worth caring about. Who are the people you admire, and want to emulate? Who are the people who like you for who you are? Flip the script – not everyone you meet is worth trying to please; they have to prove they’re worth your attention, too.”

If you’re feeling like you’ve hit a wall in your life, it’s worth stepping back from the situation and questioning if you are trying to people-please and if it’s holding you back from moving on.

Acknowledging the situation can often be the cure to advancement.