Effective communication can be challenging, especially when it feels like the person you’re speaking to isn’t really listening – here’s how you can improve the situation
CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared on Mind Tools
We’ve all been there. You’re explaining something important, setting clear expectations, or informing a colleague about a change that’s coming up, and they’re standing there, nodding along. On the surface, everything looks fine – yet you can sense that their attention is nowhere near the topic at hand.
They might be going through the motions, but it’s clear they’re not fully engaged. So, what do you do when you’re trying to communicate with someone who just won’t listen?
Whether you’re offering advice or giving instructions for a task, it can be frustrating when the other person seems to have already made up their mind, or believes their way is the only way. They might not be open to hearing your perspective or suggestions, making it feel like you’re talking to a brick wall. When this happens, you have a few options: you can throw your hands up in frustration and walk away, or you can take a more patient and strategic approach to ensure your message is understood and considered.
Understand the Obstacles
Before you get frustrated, it’s important to understand that the other person’s lack of engagement might not be intentional. Sometimes, people get distracted for reasons beyond our control. Are they overwhelmed with other tasks or dealing with personal stress? Is their attention divided by something else happening in the office or at home?
Ask yourself why they’re not listening. Are they distracted by external factors – or perhaps there’s a deeper issue at play, like misunderstandings or fear of change?
Try Another Method
Everyone has different communication preferences, and what works for one person may not work for another. Some people struggle to absorb information verbally, especially if it’s complex or presented all at once. In these cases, adapting your communication style can make a big difference. One effective strategy is to send information ahead of time, giving the person an opportunity to review it at their own pace.
For example, if you’re introducing a new process or system, email them the details beforehand with a brief explanation and follow-up questions. Then, you can check in with them later: “I wanted to follow up on the new logging system I sent over earlier. Do you have any questions or concerns?”
By giving them the space to process the information beforehand, you allow them time to digest and reflect on it, making it more likely that they’ll engage with you when it’s time to discuss it further.
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, people just zone out when we speak. In these situations, actively engaging them in the conversation can help bring their attention back. Instead of simply relaying the information, ask open-ended questions that encourage their participation: “What do you think about this new system? How do you see it fitting into your current workflow?”
Get the Timing Right
There are also instances when it’s not about the method but the timing. If you’re trying to have a serious conversation with someone who’s swamped with deadlines or under pressure, they may not be in the right headspace to absorb new information. In these situations, it might be best to postpone the conversation until they’re in a more receptive mood.
Ultimately, communication is a two-way street, and getting someone to listen requires a blend of understanding, flexibility and patience. Remember, it’s not just about talking at someone – it’s about creating a space where both sides can communicate effectively.
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